~~..it's raining..outside and inside my heart..again..i don't know why,but everytime it's raining during the evening or night..i will feel a bit melancholy..i don't even know if i love or despise the rain..but i think i love it..when it rains,i will be blue..everything that makes me sad will pop up in my mind..the only way i can have fun is by taking a cold shower..then i can feel like i am under the rain..dancing and singing..maybe i will feel that everytime it's raining..the sky is sad..kinda childish,right??..for a 16 years old guy to be thinking like that..but that is what i feel..
~~..today,i'm a bit sad and/or kecil hati with a teacher..i don't know why..these few days..i feel like she is telling me something..she is telling me that i should change my personality and/or my attitude or something..she kept telling me how i failed..in being in charge..and in being my friend's friend..she encouraged others..and maybe even me..but she is making me feel that i am such a failure..i don't know..i just don't know..i don't get it..maybe i am being too sensitive or i think too much..but this is what i feel..i feel that i am such a failure..she once said,she's impressed by how strong i am,not to be affected by others during a public presentation or something..but deep down..i,myself know how scared and nervous i am in front of the public..the inner me tremble with fear..i am not what others see me as..i'm different from me..way too much difference from the guy you see everyday..i may laugh and am gay everyday like a clown..but deep inside..i'm not that strong..when i am being teased in class..i just smile and laugh..but words that really hurt,will never stop hurting..i don't know why..i'm just not good in expressing my true feelings..maybe that's the reason i may be a failure..but i still..just don't understand almost everything..
~"..i like to be under the rain..then no one can see my tears.."~
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